Have you ever known exactly what you should do but found yourself scrolling, avoiding, overthinking or simply shutting down instead?
Maybe it’s replying to that one email. Booking the doctor’s appointment. Facing a difficult conversation. Opening up in therapy. Or finally tackling something you’ve been putting off for weeks.
And when avoidance kicks in, the self-talk often sounds like this:
- “Why am I like this?”Â
- “I’m so lazy.”Â
- “I just need to pull myself together.”Â
But here’s the paradox: the more critical we are of ourselves in moments of avoidance, the more stuck we tend to become. Why? Because criticism activates shame. And shame drives us deeper into avoidance.
That’s where compassion comes in—and why it’s not just “nice,” but neurologically effective.
The Avoidance Loop
Avoidance isn’t laziness or failure, it’s often a protective response to something our nervous system perceives as overwhelming, uncertain, or emotionally loaded.
Your brain isn’t broken. It’s trying to protect you from discomfort, shame, rejection, or overstimulation.
Criticism, even when it comes from ourselves, amplifies the threat. It keeps the stress response switched on.
But compassion signals safety, and in safety, we can begin to engage, try, and grow.
Why Compassion Works
From a psychological and holistic wellbeing perspective, compassion has real effects:
- Regulates the nervous system
Self-compassion activates the parasympathetic nervous system (our rest and digest mode) helping calm fight/flight/freeze responses. - Shifts our mindset
Rather than “I’m failing,” compassion allows for “This is hard right now—and I’m doing my best.” This reduces shame and opens the door to curiosity and problem-solving. - Improves long-term motivation
Studies show that self-compassion leads to greater emotional resilience, accountability, and sustainable behaviour change more than shame or pressure ever will.Â
So What Does Compassion Actually Sound Like?
Instead of:
“I’m useless—I should have done this by now.”
Try:
“It makes sense that I’m finding this hard. Let me take one step at a time.”
Instead of:
“I always mess things up.”
Try:
“I’m learning. One moment doesn’t define me.”
Compassion as a Holistic Practice
At Seven Lion Yard, we approach avoidance and self-criticism from both a psychological and holistic lens. That might look like:
- Therapy sessions that focus on shame resilience, self-talk, and trauma-informed care.Â
- Nervous system support through breathwork, body-based practices, or grounding techniques.Â
- Compassion-focused mindfulness exercises to help retrain your inner dialogue.Â
One Small Step Today
Next time you catch yourself avoiding something—pause. Notice the impulse to criticise. Then gently ask:
“What would I say to a friend in this moment?” And try saying that to yourself.
It’s not always easy, but over time, compassion creates the safety that change needs to grow.
Remember – compassion will reduce avoidance more than criticism ever will.